Couples Counselling

Couples Counselling at Thrive: A Guide for Partners Considering Help

Couples counselling can feel like a big step, especially when one of you feels more ready than the other. This guide adds practical detail to everything above: the challenges couples most often bring, how sessions tend to unfold, the approaches our counsellors draw on, how to prepare together, and when couples therapy may not be the right first step. Whatever brought you here, your relationship makes sense in light of what each of you has lived through, and connection can heal.

What Partners Bring to Couples Counselling

Every relationship is different, yet certain themes come up again and again. You do not need to be in crisis to start. Many partners reach out simply because they miss each other.

Conflict and communication

• Arguments that escalate quickly or end in cold silence
• Feeling criticized, dismissed or unheard
• Recurring fights about chores, money, family or time

Trust and repair

• Recovering after an affair, a secret or a broken agreement
• Rebuilding reliability after a long period of distance
• Old hurts that never quite got resolved

Intimacy and desire

• Mismatched desire or a long stretch without sex
• Feeling more like roommates than partners
• Wanting to talk about needs openly, without shame

When intimacy is the main concern, our sex therapy counsellors can help alongside or instead of general couples therapy.

Life transitions

• Moving in together, engagement or marriage
• Becoming parents, or deciding whether to
• Career changes, relocation, illness or grief
• Blending families or navigating in-laws

Different ways of being

• ADHD, autism or other forms of neurodivergence in one or both partners
• Cultural, faith or identity differences
• Queer relationships and non-monogamous structures

How Couples Therapy Sessions Usually Unfold

People often picture couples therapy as a referee deciding who is right. In practice, your counsellor is on the side of the relationship, helping both of you slow down enough to hear what sits underneath the fight.

Early sessions: mapping the cycle

The first meetings usually explore your story as a couple: how you met, what drew you together, and the pattern that now keeps repeating. Your counsellor tracks the steps of that cycle, such as pursue and withdraw or criticize and defend, so you can both begin to see the cycle, not each other, as the problem.

Individual check-ins

Some counsellors meet each partner once on their own early in the process. This gives each of you room to share history, goals and any safety concerns privately. Your counsellor will explain how they handle what is shared in these meetings.

Middle sessions: softening and new conversations

As the cycle becomes familiar, the work turns toward the more vulnerable feelings underneath it, such as fear of losing each other or feeling not good enough. You practise reaching for each other in new ways, often right there in the room, with support.

Later sessions: making change last

Once new patterns feel steadier, couples counselling focuses on keeping them alive: handling setbacks, planning for stressful seasons and noticing what you have rebuilt together.

Couples Counselling Approaches Our Therapists Draw On

Thrive counsellors use evidence-based models and adapt them to your relationship. Two of the best known approaches in couples therapy are:

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)

Developed by Dr. Sue Johnson and colleagues, EFT is grounded in attachment science. It helps partners understand the emotional needs driving their conflict and create new moments of reassurance and closeness. The International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy shares research and resources.

The Gottman Method

Built on decades of research by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, this approach strengthens friendship, helps you manage conflict and supports shared meaning. Practical tools include gentle start-ups, repair attempts and rituals of connection. Read more on our Gottman Method page or at The Gottman Institute.

Making room for individual work

Sometimes one partner’s trauma history, anxiety or ADHD shapes the relationship in ways worth exploring separately. Your counsellor may suggest individual therapy alongside couples counselling, often with a different counsellor so the couples space stays balanced.

Preparing for Couples Counselling Together

A little preparation can make the first sessions feel less daunting. Consider talking through a few questions before you begin:

• What do we each hope will feel different in six months?
• What is one thing that is still working between us?
• Are there topics either of us feels nervous about raising?
• How will we look after ourselves after a hard session?
• Are we both open to looking at our own part, not only the other person’s?

Between sessions

Much of the progress in couples therapy happens in ordinary moments at home. Your counsellor may suggest small experiments, like a brief daily check-in, an agreed pause signal for heated moments, or a weekly conversation about what went well. Keep them light. The goal is practice, not perfection.

What Couples Counselling Can Feel Like Emotionally

Knowing what is normal can make it easier to stay with the process when it gets uncomfortable. Many partners notice some of the following along the way:

• Relief. Simply having a structured, protected place to talk can ease tension at home, sometimes sooner than expected.
• Exposure. Hearing your partner describe their pain, or sharing your own in front of someone new, can feel raw at first.
• Uneven readiness. It is common for one partner to feel hopeful while the other feels skeptical or tired. Both positions are welcome.
• A dip before a rise. Talking about avoided topics can stir things up for a while before new patterns settle in.
• Grief. As the cycle comes into focus, you may grieve the time it has cost you. That grief often opens the door to tenderness.

If a session leaves either of you shaken, say so next time. Your counsellor can slow the pace, add support between sessions or adjust the approach. Couples therapy is meant to challenge old patterns, not to overwhelm the people caught inside them.

When Couples Therapy May Not Be the Right First Step

Couples counselling works best when both partners feel safe enough to be honest. If there is physical violence, threats, coercive control or fear of your partner, joint sessions can increase risk. In that situation, individual support and a safety plan usually come first.

• If you are in crisis, call or text 988, or call 911 in an emergency. More information is available at 988.ca.
• BC’s mental health support line is 310-6789, no area code needed.
• Active addiction or a mental health crisis may also need attention before couples work can help.

Your counsellor will ask about safety early on and help you find the right path, even if that path starts somewhere other than joint sessions.

How Couples Counselling Works at Thrive

1. Free 15 minute consult. One or both of you reach out through our contact page to talk about what is happening and what you hope for.
2. Match or choose. We can match you with a counsellor experienced in couples work, or you can browse our team and choose your own.
3. Your first session. Your counsellor gets to know you as a couple and as individuals, and explains how they work.
4. A shared plan. Together you name goals, agree on an approach and choose a rhythm of sessions that fits your lives.
5. In person or online. Meet in our rooms at 470 Granville St., steps from Granville SkyTrain Station, or by secure video.

Current rates appear on this page and when you book. Many extended health plans reimburse sessions with registered counsellors, and low-cost counselling with supervised interns is also available.

More Questions About Couples Therapy

Do we both need to attend every session?

Usually, yes. Your counsellor may also suggest an occasional individual meeting when it would help the work as a couple.

Can we have couples sessions online?

Yes. Many couples join together from home by secure video, and some mix online and in-person sessions as schedules allow.

Will the counsellor take sides?

No. Your counsellor’s role is to understand both of you and support the relationship, while naming patterns honestly when that helps.

Is it too late if we are thinking about separating?

Not necessarily. Some couples use sessions to decide whether to recommit; others use them to separate with more care and less harm, especially when children are involved.

Are LGBTQIA+ and non-monogamous relationships welcome?

Absolutely. Thrive is LGBTQIA+ affirming, and our counsellors support many relationship structures without judgement.

How will we know if couples counselling is working?

Look for small shifts: arguments that cool down sooner, more successful repair attempts, and moments where you feel like teammates again. Your counsellor can also review your goals with you regularly.

Start Couples Counselling With a Free Consult

You do not have to wait until things get worse to ask for help. Book your free 15 minute consult or call 604-227-0297, and we will help you find a counsellor who fits both of you.