Couples Series Part V: How to Prepare for Couples Therapy

You’ve taken the big step of contacting a counsellor or agreeing to join your partner who did the legwork. The day is fast approaching, and the big question is, how to prepare for couples therapy?

Fortunately, the lion’s share of the guidance will come from your therapist. Depending on the style of the couples’ work, you may be asked to complete some questionnaires before the session. These might have you rate the intensity and frequency of interactions and feelings, generally giving your therapist a sense of patterns to help guide the counselling.

Beyond that, here are a few small things you can do before showing up that make a big difference:

Commit to being on time.

One partner being late can send a message that this work is low priority, even though that is rarely what was intended. Being late often starts the work on a very inflammatory note, limiting what we can do in the session.

Do your best to minimize stress prior to the session.

Let’s be honest. This is easier said than done. Life can be unbelievably demanding. If you can, however, see if you can scratch anything from your schedule on the day off and take some extra time to relax and ground yourself. The more centred you are when coming to the office, the more grounded your work may be.

Connect with your partner.

When possible, take a bit of time to connect. This may be as simple as a hug or some eye contact. Perhaps you may find one agreed goal for the session, as modest as I’d like that we both understand the other person 5% more after today. Anything that helps to shift from it is us versus each other to it is us versus this negative pattern.

Learn about couples therapy.

This could be as formal as reading Sue Johnson’s book Hold Me Tight or as casual as YouTubing it. Some newer options might include listening to Esther Perel’s podcast Where Should We Begin? or watching the TV show Couples Therapy—both of which follow real-life cases of couple’s work.

Let go of control and perfectionism.

This one contrasts with the other five. What I’m suggesting here is that after you’ve put in some respectfully committed work towards the process, let go of all of that. Recognize that emotions are messy, and that’s OK. You won’t be able to control how it goes completely, and that’s kind of the point. Couples therapy teaches you both to ebb and flows with the chaos of each other’s emotions, cultivating flexibility and patience. This begins by recognizing the limits of what can be controlled in yourself and others.

Congratulations on leaning into the challenges of your relationship. I can say that after over a decade of practice, individuals and couples do not grow or evolve by avoiding difficult feelings. We are here to help you transform what feels like dead branches into new growth.

Our process of helping you to realize and change your negative interaction patterns can be assisted when you come to the office prepared and engaged. I hope that the above helps you in some small way.

Join us for the next installment of our Couple Series Part VI: Couples Therapy vs Marriage Counselling and decide which option is right for you and your partner!

Missed our previous blog post in the Couples Series?
Click here to catch up on Couple Series Part IV: What to expect from marriage counselling?