Jess Kivari

Jess Kivari: Counselling for Life’s Threshold Moments

Jess Kivari is a Canadian Certified Counsellor at Thrive Downtown who walks alongside people when the old story of who they are stops fitting. Drawing on emotion focused therapy, EMDR and parts work, Jess supports individuals, couples and parents through transitions, self-criticism and the grief that often comes with growth. This guide explains how Jess works and what it looks like to begin.

Life Transitions with Jess Kivari

Jess’s page describes threshold moments: times when life’s unfolding takes you toward the very places you fear most. Sometimes a single event pulls the ground out from under you. Other times, change arrives as a slow, quiet longing that will not go away.

Transitions people often bring to counselling

• Becoming a parent, or watching children grow up and leave home
• Starting, ending or reshaping a relationship
• Career changes, retirement or a loss of work identity
• Moving to a new city or country
• Health changes, including living with chronic pain
• Shifts in faith, values or sense of purpose
• Milestone birthdays that stir up questions about direction

Why growth can hurt

Jess’s page compares change to outgrowing warm and familiar clothing. Even when you know it no longer fits, letting go involves loss. Many people are surprised by the grief that shows up during a change they chose, and that grief makes sense. It honours what the old way gave you.

Endings, the in-between and beginnings

Writer William Bridges described transition as three overlapping phases, a framework many counsellors find useful:

1. Endings: recognizing what you are leaving behind and allowing yourself to feel that.
2. The neutral zone: an uncertain middle where the old no longer works and the new has not yet formed. It can feel disorienting, but it is often where creativity lives.
3. New beginnings: gradually stepping into a new identity, habits and ways of relating.

Counselling with Jess can help you orient to whichever phase you are in, rather than rushing to the finish line.

Questions worth sitting with

When everything feels in motion, a few steady questions can help you get your bearings. You might journal on them or bring them to a session:

• What am I ready to let go of, and what do I want to carry forward?
• Which fears are about the future, and which are echoes of the past?
• Who am I when I am not trying to meet everyone else’s expectations?
• What small step would honour the longing I keep noticing?
• What support do I need while I am in the uncertain middle?

Signs you may be at a threshold

• Restlessness or boredom with a life that once felt satisfying
• A pull toward something new, alongside fear of losing what you have
• Old coping strategies that no longer seem to work
• Unexpected sadness, even when things are going “well”
• A sense that your relationships or roles need to change shape

None of these signs means something is wrong with you. Often they are signs that something in you is ready to grow.

Other Areas Jess Kivari Supports

Alongside milestones and transitions, Jess Kivari lists several specialties that often overlap with times of change.

Shame and self-criticism

A harsh inner voice can make every setback feel like proof that something is wrong with you. Jess’s work helps you understand where that voice came from and meet it with more compassion, a theme explored further below.

Parenting children with mental health challenges

Supporting a child who is struggling can be exhausting, frightening and lonely. Jess offers a space for parents and caregivers to steady themselves and grow their confidence, drawing on Emotion Focused Family Therapy.

Disordered eating

Complicated relationships with food, body and control often carry deep emotional meaning. Counselling can explore those feelings with care. Because disordered eating can affect physical health, it is wise to involve your doctor alongside therapy.

Chronic pain

Living with ongoing pain affects mood, relationships, work and identity. Counselling does not replace medical care, but it can help with the stress, grief and frustration that pain brings, and with finding ways to live well alongside it.

• Grieving activities or roles that pain has changed
• Noticing how stress and emotion can amplify pain signals
• Pacing your energy without giving up what matters
• Communicating needs to family, friends or employers
• Quieting the self-blame that often accompanies an invisible condition

Psychedelic integration

For people who have had a psychedelic experience, integration sessions help make sense of what surfaced and weave it into everyday life. Jess does not supply or administer any substance. The legal status of psychedelics in Canada is evolving, so follow Canadian law and medical guidance. Read more about psychedelic support at Thrive.

The Approaches Jess Kivari Uses

Jess Kivari blends several approaches, choosing what fits you and your goals. Here is what each one on this page involves.

Emotion Focused Individual Therapy

Emotion Focused Therapy, developed by Leslie Greenberg and colleagues, sees emotions as adaptive guides that point toward your needs. Sessions help you slow down, feel what is underneath surface reactions, and transform painful emotions such as shame with new, more nourishing experiences. Jess has completed EFT training at levels 1 and 2.

EMDR

EMDR uses bilateral stimulation, such as eye movements or taps, to help the brain reprocess distressing memories so they feel less overwhelming. It follows a structured, phased process that starts with preparation and resourcing. The EMDR International Association offers an overview, and Thrive’s EMDR therapy page explains how it works here.

Emotion Focused Family Therapy (EFFT)

EFFT supports parents and caregivers to become powerful allies in a loved one’s healing. Jess has completed EFFT training at levels 1 and 2. More on this approach appears in the parenting section below.

Internal Family Systems (IFS)

IFS views the mind as a family of parts, such as an inner critic, a people pleaser or a frightened younger part, all held by a wise, compassionate Self. The goal is not to get rid of parts but to understand and unburden them. The IFS Institute has more information.

Person-centred and trauma-informed therapy

These two stances form the foundation of Jess’s work. Person-centred therapy offers empathy, acceptance and genuineness. Trauma-informed therapy puts safety, choice and pacing first, so you remain in charge of what you explore.

Astrology

Jess’s page also lists astrology. For clients who find it meaningful, astrology can offer a symbolic language for reflecting on themes, timing and identity. It is entirely optional and used only if it resonates with you.

Support for Parents and Caregivers

When a child or teen is struggling with their mental health, parents often feel helpless, blamed or unsure what to say. EFFT starts from a hopeful premise: caregivers can play a central role in a young person’s recovery, and they deserve support in doing so.

What EFFT work can include

• Emotion coaching: learning to name and validate your child’s feelings before problem solving, which can help them feel understood and calmer.
• Recovery coaching: finding ways to support healthier behaviours with warmth and steadiness.
• Working through caregiver blocks: gently exploring the fear, self-blame or exhaustion that can make it harder to respond the way you want to.
• Relationship repair: practising apologies and reconnection after hard moments.

You can start on your own

EFFT is often done with parents or caregivers alone, without the young person in the room. That means you can begin building skills and support right away, even if your child is not ready for counselling.

Softening the Inner Critic

The Gabor Maté quote on this page, “Everything you judge about yourself served a purpose at the time”, sits at the centre of how Jess approaches shame. The traits you criticize most may once have kept you safe, connected or accepted.

Common protective patterns

• Perfectionism that once helped you avoid criticism
• People pleasing that kept the peace at home
• Staying small or quiet to avoid being noticed
• Self-reliance that grew when help was not available

How the work may unfold

In emotion focused therapy, a “two-chair” exercise can let the critical voice and the criticized part speak to each other out loud. Many people discover that beneath the critic is a worried protector, and beneath the hurt is an unmet need. When both are heard, self-compassion can grow in a way that feels real rather than forced.

A small practice to try

The next time your inner critic speaks up, you might experiment with these steps:

1. Notice the critical thought and name it: “There is the critic again.”
2. Ask what it is afraid would happen if it stopped criticizing you.
3. Thank it for trying to protect you, even if its methods hurt.
4. Ask what the criticized part of you needs to hear right now.
5. Offer that message to yourself in a tone you would use with a friend.

This can feel awkward at first. That is normal, and it often softens with practice.

Couples Counselling with Jess

Jess offers couples counselling as well as individual sessions, with formal training in Emotion Focused Couples Therapy. EFCT helps partners notice the cycle that keeps them disconnected, share the softer feelings underneath conflict, and build a more secure bond. Transitions like new parenthood or a move often put pressure on relationships, so couples work can be a natural companion to individual support. Learn more on Thrive’s couples counselling page.

Beginning Sessions with Jess Kivari at Thrive

Starting with Jess Kivari follows Thrive’s simple, welcoming process.

1. A free 15 minute consult gives you a chance to ask questions and see how it feels to talk. Book on the new client appointment page.
2. Choose Jess or ask for a match. Request Jess by name, or describe what you need through the contact form. You can also explore Thrive’s counsellors.
3. A first session to get to know your story, what is shifting in your life and what you hope for.
4. A plan you shape together, drawing on the approaches that fit, and adjusted as you grow.
5. In person or online. Sessions happen at 470 Granville St. in downtown Vancouver or by secure video, and you can combine both. See online counselling in BC.

The Thrive Formula in transition work

Thrive’s approach moves through three phases that map well onto change. Regulate helps your nervous system find steadiness while the ground is shifting. Reveal explores the old patterns and stories you are outgrowing. Reclaim supports you in stepping into choices that reflect who you are becoming.

Fees and coverage

Current rates are shown when booking or on the contact page. Many extended health plans reimburse counselling by Canadian Certified Counsellors, so check your plan. The CCC designation is granted by the Canadian Counselling and Psychotherapy Association.

Frequently Asked Questions About Jess Kivari

What are Jess’s qualifications?

Jess Kivari holds a BA in Psychology and an MA in Counselling Psychology, both from the University of Victoria, and is a Canadian Certified Counsellor (CCC #10008441 of CCPA).

What training does Jess have?

Jess’s formal trainings include EMDR, EFT levels 1 and 2, EFFT levels 1 and 2, EFCT and DBT.

Can I see Jess if my child is the one struggling?

Yes. Parenting children with mental health challenges is one of Jess’s specialties, and EFFT is designed to support caregivers directly.

Do I have to be in crisis to start counselling?

Not at all. Many people come during a period of change simply because they want support and clarity. You do not need to wait until things feel unbearable.

What is the difference between EFT and EFFT?

Emotion Focused Therapy for individuals helps you work with your own emotions. Emotion Focused Family Therapy applies similar ideas to caregiving, helping parents support a loved one’s emotional healing and recovery.

How often would we meet?

Session frequency is something you and your counsellor decide together, based on your goals, energy and budget. It can change over time as your needs shift.

What if I do not know what I want next?

That uncertainty is a normal part of the in-between. Counselling does not require a clear goal at the start. Often the first sessions are about getting curious, listening to what keeps surfacing, and letting a direction emerge in its own time.

Is astrology required?

No. Astrology is one optional lens Jess lists. Sessions follow what feels meaningful and helpful to you.

What if I need urgent help?

Counselling is not an emergency service. If you are in crisis, call or text 988, or call 911 in an emergency. Resources are also available at 988.ca.

Connect with Jess Kivari

If you are standing at a threshold, you do not have to cross it alone. You make sense, and the parts of you that are afraid of change make sense too. Book a free 15 minute consult through the Thrive contact page or call 604-227-0297 to see whether working with Jess Kivari feels right.