Xiva Taverna

Counselling with Xiva Taverna: A Guide to Parts, Healing and Connection

Xiva Taverna is a Registered Therapeutic Counsellor at Thrive Downtown who works with individuals and couples who feel lonely, stuck in old patterns, or quietly weighed down by shame. This guide explains the approaches Xiva uses, the concerns Xiva often helps with, and what starting counselling looks like, so you can decide whether this feels like the right fit for you.

Who Xiva Taverna Supports

Xiva’s page describes people who sense there is more to life, who look fine on the outside but feel empty inside, and who long for closeness while fearing rejection. If that sounds familiar, you are in good company. These experiences are common, and they make sense given what you have lived through.

Depression and anxiety

Low mood and worry can show up as flatness, restlessness, poor sleep, or a harsh inner critic that never switches off. In sessions with Xiva, the aim is not to argue with these states but to get curious about them, to understand what they may be protecting, and to build steadier ways of coping from day to day.

Grief and loss

Grief is not only about death. You may be mourning a relationship, a version of yourself, a place you once called home, or a childhood you never got to have. Counselling offers room to feel the loss at your own pace, without being rushed toward “closure”.

Inner child work

If you grew up in a home where you were not seen or heard, younger parts of you may still be waiting for care. Inner child work gently turns toward those parts, listens to what they needed back then, and helps you offer some of that care now, as the adult you have become.

Self-identity and self-esteem

Feeling different from everyone else, or unsure which direction is right, can wear down your sense of worth. Xiva’s work supports you in discovering who you are beneath old roles and expectations, and in treating yourself with more respect and kindness.

Relationships

Whether a relationship feels draining or you struggle to let anyone close, patterns from early attachment often play a part. Xiva works with relationship concerns in individual counselling and, as a counsellor trained in Emotion Focused Couples Therapy, with couples too.

Psychedelic integration

Some people arrive after a meaningful or confusing psychedelic experience and want help making sense of it. Xiva’s approaches include psychedelic planning and integration, described in more detail below.

The Approaches Xiva Taverna Uses

Xiva draws on several well-established approaches and blends them to suit you rather than following a rigid script. Here is a plain-language overview of each approach listed on this page.

Person-centred therapy

Developed by psychologist Carl Rogers, person-centred therapy rests on three core conditions: empathy, unconditional positive regard, and genuineness. The idea is that when you feel truly accepted, your own capacity for growth has room to emerge. It is the foundation for the non-judgmental, compassionate atmosphere Xiva describes.

Mindfulness and self-compassion

Mindfulness means noticing what is happening inside you, including thoughts, feelings and body sensations, with openness rather than judgment. Self-compassion adds warmth: treating yourself the way you would treat a friend who is struggling. Research suggests self-compassion can soften shame and self-criticism, and many people find it makes deeper therapy work feel safer.

Internal Family Systems (IFS)

IFS, created by Richard Schwartz, sees the mind as naturally made up of many parts, each with its own feelings and intentions, along with a core Self that is calm, curious and compassionate. Xiva has completed IFS Level 1 and IFS Groups training. You can learn more about the model from the IFS Institute.

Trauma-informed parts work

Trauma-informed parts work applies the parts lens with extra care for safety, pacing and choice. You stay in charge of how fast you go. Protective parts are respected rather than pushed aside, and nothing is forced open before you feel ready.

Emotion Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT)

EFCT, often called Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples, is grounded in attachment science. It helps partners recognize the negative cycle that pulls them apart and reach for each other in new ways. Xiva has completed formal EFCT training. The International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy offers helpful background reading.

Psychedelic planning and integration

Planning and integration support focuses on the before and after: clarifying intentions, thinking through safety, and afterward making sense of what came up and carrying useful insights into daily life. Xiva does not supply or administer any substance. The legal status of psychedelics in Canada is evolving, so please follow Canadian law and medical guidance.

Shame, Loneliness and the Parts Lens

Xiva’s page describes shame as a deep sense that your core being is flawed, one that exiles the very part of you that believes change is possible. The parts lens offers a hopeful reframe: shame is a burden a part is carrying, not the truth about who you are.

Protectors and exiles

• Managers try to keep pain away in advance, through perfectionism, people pleasing, overworking or staying guarded.
• Firefighters jump in when pain breaks through, sometimes with numbing, bingeing, scrolling or pulling away.
• Exiles hold the old hurt, fear or loneliness that the protectors work so hard to contain.

In IFS, none of these parts are bad. Each one took on its role for a reason, often early in life, and each one is trying to help in the only way it knows.

Qualities of Self

IFS describes the Self through qualities often called the eight Cs. As protectors relax, many people notice more of these showing up:

• Calm and clarity
• Curiosity and compassion
• Confidence and courage
• Creativity and connectedness

Why this can ease loneliness

Loneliness is sometimes as much an inner experience as an outer one. When parts that have been hidden for years are finally met with understanding, reaching out to others can start to feel less risky. The Mr. Rogers quote on this page speaks to forgiveness, and many people find that a gentler, more forgiving stance toward their own parts is where that shift begins.

What an IFS Session Might Feel Like

Every session is different, but IFS work often follows a gentle rhythm. Here is a simplified picture of how Xiva might guide you toward a part that wants attention.

Getting to know a protector

IFS practitioners often describe six steps, sometimes called the six Fs:

1. Find the part, perhaps as a feeling, thought, image or body sensation.
2. Focus on it with curiosity.
3. Flesh it out by noticing how it looks, sounds or feels.
4. Feel toward it, checking how you feel about the part right now.
5. Befriend it by learning its story and its job.
6. Fears: gently ask what it is afraid would happen if it stopped doing its job.

Healing a hurting part

When protectors give permission, the work may turn toward a younger, hurting part. This can include witnessing what it went through, helping it leave the past, and letting go of burdens such as shame or fear. Pacing matters, and protectors always have a say in what happens next.

Between sessions

• Pausing to notice which part is “driving” in a hard moment
• Offering a hand on the heart or a kind phrase to a struggling part
• Short mindful check-ins with your breath and body
• Journaling a conversation with a part you met in session

Couples Counselling with Xiva Taverna

Couples counselling with Xiva Taverna draws on EFCT to help partners step out of blame and into understanding. Many couples arrive stuck in a familiar loop: one partner pursues, criticizes or protests, while the other withdraws, shuts down or defends.

The three stages of EFCT

1. De-escalation: you both learn to see the negative cycle as the shared problem, rather than each other.
2. Restructuring interactions: the softer emotions and attachment needs beneath the conflict are shared, and new, more responsive moments of connection become possible.
3. Consolidation: you practise the new patterns and apply them to everyday problems and decisions.

What couples often work on

• Recurring arguments that end in distance
• Feeling alone or unseen inside the relationship
• Rebuilding trust after a rupture
• Fear of abandonment or difficulty depending on a partner
• Life transitions that strain closeness

Thrive offers a range of relationship support; you can read more on the couples counselling page.

Is Xiva Taverna the Right Fit for You?

Choosing a counsellor is personal. You might resonate with Xiva Taverna’s way of working if some of these feel true:

• You feel emotionally disconnected, or different from the people around you.
• You keep repeating patterns you learned growing up and want to understand why.
• You want closeness, but fear of rejection or abandonment keeps you guarded.
• Your life looks complete from the outside, yet something feels missing.
• You want a counsellor who is warm and non-judgmental rather than clinical.
• You are curious about parts work, inner child work or self-compassion.
• You and a partner want to feel close again.

Research on the therapeutic relationship suggests that feeling safe and understood by your counsellor is one of the strongest predictors of helpful therapy. The free consult is a good way to sense that fit.

Training and background

Xiva’s formal trainings include IFS Level 1, IFS Groups and EFCT. Xiva’s qualifications are a BA in Business and a Diploma in Professional Counselling, and Xiva is registered as RTC #2803 of ACCT.

Starting Sessions with Xiva at Thrive

Beginning counselling can feel like a big step, so Thrive keeps the process simple and low pressure.

1. Free 15 minute consult. Ask questions and get a feel for whether working together makes sense. You can book on the new client appointment page.
2. Choose Xiva or be matched. You can request Xiva directly, or share what you are looking for through the contact form and the team will help match you. You can also browse the whole Thrive team.
3. First session. You talk about what brings you in, what you hope will change, and what feels safe. You set the pace.
4. A collaborative plan. Together you shape the focus of the work and revisit it as things shift.
5. In person or online. Meet at 470 Granville St. in downtown Vancouver, steps from Granville SkyTrain Station, or connect by secure video.

Questions you might bring to your consult

There is no right way to use your free 15 minutes, but some people find it helps to jot down a few questions first, such as:

• How would parts work apply to what I am going through?
• What might a typical session with Xiva look like?
• Can my partner and I start together, or should I begin on my own?
• How will we know whether counselling is helping?
• What happens if I feel overwhelmed during a session?

The Thrive Formula

Much of Thrive’s work follows three movements: Regulate, settling your nervous system so you are not stuck in fight, flight or collapse; Reveal, understanding how you adapted to stress and hurt; and Reclaim, turning insight into lasting practical change. Parts work and self-compassion fit naturally within each step.

Languages and fees

Xiva’s page lists English and Portuguese, so you can ask about working in the language that feels most like home. Current rates are shown when booking or on the contact page. Coverage varies between extended health plans, so check with your provider about sessions with a Registered Therapeutic Counsellor. Thrive also offers low-cost counselling with supervised interns.

Frequently Asked Questions About Xiva Taverna

What does RTC mean?

RTC stands for Registered Therapeutic Counsellor. Xiva Taverna is listed as RTC #2803 of ACCT and also holds a Diploma in Professional Counselling.

Do I need to know anything about IFS before starting?

No. Xiva will explain ideas as they become useful. Many people find the language of parts intuitive, because we already say things like “part of me wants to go, and part of me wants to stay”.

Does Xiva see couples as well as individuals?

Yes. Xiva offers individual and couples counselling and is trained in Emotion Focused Couples Therapy.

Is online counselling an option?

Thrive offers sessions in person downtown and online by secure video, and many clients mix both. Ask about Xiva’s current options during your free consult, or read about Thrive’s online therapists.

What if I am not sure where to start?

That is very common. You can begin with whatever feels most pressing, whether that is a relationship, low mood or a sense of emptiness, and the work will follow what matters most to you.

Does Xiva provide psychedelic substances?

No. Thrive offers preparation and integration support only. Learn more on the psychedelic integration team page.

What if I am in crisis?

Counselling is not an emergency service. If you are in crisis, call or text 988, or call 911 in an emergency. More information is available at 988.ca.

Book a Free Consult with Xiva Taverna

You do not have to face life’s challenges alone, and you are not broken. If you feel ready to explore your inner world with a warm, steady guide, reach out for a free 15 minute consult through the Thrive contact page or call 604-227-0297. Xiva Taverna and the Thrive team look forward to hearing from you.